Depression is back

 

As most of you know I went off work back in November due to me not being emotionally stable. I am bipolar and my depression had gotten to me. My family doctor thought it would be best for me to get off work a while, until I get back to my old self.  A lot of people knew I was bipolar but not that it wasn’t stable. Mental health is very hard. It’s invisible most of the time. You can fake smile and everyone will think that everything is alright. I had started feeling off back in mid-October. I did what I usually did, which is to fake my mood and hope it gets better. By mid-November it had gotten to a point where all I did was cry alone after everyone else was asleep. I also didn’t have any energy to do anything. I wasn’t sleeping at night and during the day I wasn’t sleeping either. I just had so much going on in my head. At the same time I was starting to feel physically unwell. One night I had to go to the ER since I had a hard time breathing and my heart rhythm seemed off. They did blood work, ECG, and x-rays. The reason for the ECG is because two medications I am on can cause irregular heart rhythms.  Luckily there was no issues with my heart. They did notice that my thyroid numbers were low. Due to me having hypothyroidism, the doctors had changed doses after Vincent was born, but now needed another dose update. The low thyroid numbers can cause me to be more emotional. I got a new dose of medication and that takes up to 6 weeks to stabilize. I was also diagnosed with seasonal depression. Therefore I was also put on a higher antidepressant and advised to use a therapy light. When all this happened, it was about the week before my birthday.  The week of my birthday I got a fever out of nowhere that wouldn’t lower. With Covid-19 means I had to go get a Covid test.  Happy Birthday to me as I got the test on my birthday. The results came back as negative less than 24 hours later. I was happy, I went on just living my life day by day. Around Christmas my depression took another nose dive. Everyone is feeling the same this year with the lockdowns and stay at home orders. I just really missed my family in Sudbury. It was hard not to be able to celebrate Christmas and Vincent’s birthday with them. Last time I got to visit was back in July. That is pretty far away and yet we still have no clue when the next visit is. The only thing keeping me going is Vincent. I am happy he is young enough not to understand what is going on.  At the beginning of January I had another phone appointment with my family doctor. We decided that I should look into therapy. I started talking to a social worker. I have had 3 visits up to now and it has made a world of difference. I am finally feeling like my old self. I am well enough to go back to work. With that being said, I am going back to work on Family day (February 15^th).

Mental health is a big thing. With Covid everyone is suffering one way or another. I do not see an end to this pandemic. It’s important for people to talk.  If you haven’t heard from someone close to in a few days or weeks, message them, text them. Video chat with friends and family. This will help everyone pass winter. We can’t go spend time outside as much due to the weather. I do try to go outside with Vincent as much as I can but when it’s too cold it’s nearly impossible.

Please help end the stigma of mental health.

ENT appointment Feb 2nd

 

This morning, Vincent had two appointments at CHEO. The first was a hearing test and the second was with the Nurse Practitioner. This was supposed to be his last appointment before being released. That did not go as planned.

The hearing test almost took a full house. Vincent was really calm and was able to sit through it all. The first part was him having probes put in his ears to check his ears. This is where we saw that his ear drums aren’t moving the way they are supposed to. We also saw that there was a lot of congestion. Usually this would mean an ear infection he just got over. Vincent hasn’t had an ear infection in over a year and he has had his ears checked with his pediatrician two months ago. The second part of the test was us sitting in a sound proof chamber. Since Vincent is three he is a tad too old for the baby/toddler test but couldn’t understand the kids test. They had to do a mix of both. They got the same results they usually get but it wasn’t a thorough test they wanted. They advised it wasn’t Vincent’s fault since he was too young. Hopefully in six months he will be old enough to comprehend and most likely will.  Vincent can hear pretty good but when it comes to very high pitch sounds it doesn’t phase him. The sound was deafening me but he didn’t hear it. This is when I started to become discouraged. Vincent was still so happy at the end of the test since he thought it was play time as they were playing with toys.  Vincent got to pick a sticker at the end which made him so excited.

The second appointment was with the nurse. She checked him out, watched videos of him sleeping and then talked with me. She advised she didn’t feel comfortable releasing him just yet since we weren’t able to get a thorough hearing test and the liquid/congestion in his ears are still coming back. She also saw how he breathes and wants us to talk about in six months to put a scope in his nose to check his adenoids. That might be the reason there is still congestion in his ears. Vincent’s speech is still flourishing so she doesn’t want to do it just yet. Another reason why she didn’t want to release him is because she is afraid once he starts school we see a delay and that it takes another year to get back into the ENT clinic at CHEO since there is a huge wait list. I was ok with it. I was sad but I want to do what’s best for Vincent. At least the appointments don’t traumatize him since he is very well taken care of at CHEO.

After the appointment I dropped him off at daycare, He ran in the house and saw his friends. He didn’t turn around to say bye.