Trigger Warning: Depression

This blog is less about Vincent, more about me. If your plan is to give negative feedback about this blog then stop reading.  If you are more interested on how I am doing, then continue to read.

It is no secret that I suffer from bipolar and depression. We were all raised to hide how we feel from others, or toughen up.  Often when opening up to others is answered with responses such as these; “Toughen up, life is hard”, or “It’s not as bad as you think”, or “Cheer up, or no one will like you” and much more. These are all answers which my brain cannot accept due to the chemical and neurological imbalance of my brain.

Well I am trying something new, and talking about it in hopes of others understanding the hardship I am currently facing.   Since Vincent’s birth I was doing well, up until a few months ago. I am not sure what happened, but each day my depression started affecting me more and more. I tried to hide it by keeping my schedule busy.  However it is getting harder and harder to live day to day.  Vincent and Pat both do their best to help my mood. Spending my days with Vincent help my mood, as it a light in the darkness.  There are some days that I can’t function due to my depression or my migraines which I’ve had since youth.  Right now I can’t function without napping when Vincent takes his morning nap.   Once I wake up from the nap, I feel well enough to get my cleaning done.  I also try my best to do a few sessions of learning with Vincent a day. I would like to do four sessions, but these days I can only function doing two. That is separate from all his physio sessions.  The only thing that helps is taking naps and taking it easy. Pat understands and does his best, however there is only so much he can do as he needs to work.

What have I been doing to help my depression?  I have been cancelling some of my plans. I am trying to focus on myself when I can. Instead of having events almost every night of the week, I aim to do the minimum. I then plan to slowly add more stuff in my schedule. My goal for next week is to add the gym back 2-3 times a week. It was helping before, however when I got my 3 weeks cold, it made it difficult to find the energy to get back to the gym.

Vincent senses something is wrong, as he is often just wants to come and hug me.  If you wonder why I am not communicating as much, or cancel plans, just give it time. I am doing my best to get back on my feet.

Surprise CHEO Physio Appointment

Tuesday of this week (October 8^th), I got a call from CHEO asking if I can come in the next day with Vincent for a Physio appointment. They advised that there is still an eight month wait before he would be seen as he was the 30^th down the list. I jumped to the opportunity. I was both excited and scared about this appointment. I loved his current physio therapist and didn’t think I would be lucky to find another one that Vincent would love.

Vincent’s physio appointment went very well.  He clicked with the therapist just as much.  The best part is that she is francophone. When she found out who his current private physio therapist was she knew her work with Vincent wouldn’t last long.  His private therapist is his new therapist’s favourite private therapist in all of Ottawa.  She likes her clinic so much that when she retires she will go work for her part-time. 

Vincent is much more ahead, then she thought he would be when reading his file. What I love about starting Physio at CHEO is that the therapist has access to all his history. Before working with Vincent, his new therapist who we will name D showed me a chart on the steps toddlers take when it comes to walking. For example, it will show how much time it usually takes in each step.  The whole walking journey from beginner to advance can take months. Vincent is doing it in days. He went from walking a few steps at a time to a lot more.  After working with Vincent for just 30 minutes, she was able to pinpoint his personality and how to work with him.  She told me that Vincent is very smart. Most things you just need to show him once and he will do it.  That’s if he wants to do it. Vincent is also very stubborn therefore if he doesn’t want to do it he won’t.

A funny situation that happened during the session, she was trying to make him do a specific move. If he would do it, than he would get a toy to play with.  Vincent wasn’t in the mood to do it so he got down from the table and went to find her toy stash. He had seen where she hides them. The therapist laughed and said that was a first.  This session was mostly seeing his walk, play, climb to see what kind of work needs to done.  She agreed that Vincent’s core muscles need work. The next three weeks will be me working with to have stronger core muscles. We have a few games to play with him to get them stronger. She also recommended that I bring him to places like Cosmic Adventures to play and swim as those work the muscles.

I have decided to continue physio at CHEO and stop the private ones. I am sad our journey with W ended, but happy to continue with D.

ENT and Physio 2

ENT

On September 17^th, Vincent had his first appointment with ENT at CHEO.  The reason his pediatrician referred is that Vincent mostly breathes through his mouth.  Vincent also snores really loud. When he wakes up from sleeping there is a huge drool spot on his sheets.

At the ENT appointment, we were able to talk to an ENT nurse practitioner. She was able to look at the results of his hearing tests.  The main problems Vincent has during his hearing tests is congestion. The plan for ENT is for Vincent to use a Nasonex spray for the next three months. He has already been on it for a month. She believes his adenoids are really big. Big adenoids can cause the congestion in his ears. The Nasonex is supposed to shrink them.  We will be going back in December for a hearing test and to see the ENT.  We will be able to do another game plan on what to do next.

session #2

Vincent had his second session of Physio on September 27^th.  W was really shocked on how much progress Vincent had.  He was doing steps for her. The exercises that were given was really helping.  To encourage his walking we have a new set of exercises.

One of them is to sit in front of him. We will make him stand to lean right to left. This will encourage him to be able to start walking. Once Vincent gets going he can walk. He has a hard time getting started. Another exercise is for him to sit on a ball and for him to lean right and left. This will help build his core.

Another exercise in which isn’t related to walking is to change the way he goes up stairs. When looking at him go up the stairs, he always goes up the same way. We need to encourage him to use another leg. For example, right now he always uses his right knee to go up first. We need to encourage for his to use the other knee.

When writing this email (Oct 3^rd), its been 6 days since the Physio. Vincent is doing a lot of steps. He must try to walk at least 50% of the time in which is really good.